Starting couples therapy can feel daunting, especially if you’re unsure what to expect or how to begin. This article explores the practical realities of taking that first step — from the moment the idea crosses your mind to what the early sessions are typically like.
For many couples, certain times of year bring relationship pressures into sharper focus. Early months are often particularly busy for couples therapists across Surrey and beyond. For some, therapy becomes part of a renewed commitment to change; for others, it follows disappointment that hoped-for improvements over the festive period didn’t quite work out as hoped.
Raising the Idea of Couples Therapy
Occasionally, couples reach the decision to seek therapy together, viewing it as a shared step forward. More often, though, one partner thinks it’s going to be helpful. And tries to start a conversation while the other feels hesitant or uncertain. This imbalance is common, particularly when communication has already become difficult.
If you’re the one wishing to suggest therapy, it’s worth thinking carefully about how you introduce the idea. One partner may already be aware that things need to change, while the other may not yet feel ready to acknowledge ongoing difficulties. Approaching the conversation with care and openness can make a significant difference. Gentle encouragement tends to be far more effective than pressure or ultimatums, which can increase defensiveness unless every other option has truly been exhausted.
It can help to frame the request as a small, manageable step — agreeing to attend just one initial session. This first meeting allows both partners to explain how they see the situation, and differing viewpoints are not only expected but often useful. There’s no need to rehearse or reach agreement beforehand; therapy works best when real differences are allowed to emerge naturally in the room.
Practical Considerations: Timing and Format
While the initial consultation is an important starting point, it’s helpful to think ahead about what ongoing work might involve. Couples therapy usually takes place weekly, with sessions with me lasting 50 minutes. Weekly sessions tend to strike the right balance — frequent enough to maintain momentum, but not so demanding that they become overwhelming. Meeting less often can slow progress and make change feel frustratingly distant.
Location and scheduling are also key. Consider a place and time that both partners can realistically commit to on a regular basis. I offer appointments during the day and into the evening to accommodate busy lives. I generally work face-to-face from consulting rooms in Esher, as in-person sessions often support deeper engagement and more effective progress.
That said, flexibility is sometimes necessary. While a regular weekly slot provides structure, occasional adjustments — including online sessions when one partner is away — can be arranged when needed. If online is the only option, I can offer this too.
Finding the Right Therapist
Once you’ve decided on practical details such as location, you can begin searching for a therapist who feels like a good fit. You may wish to speak with more than one professional before deciding. Some couples appreciate a brief introductory conversation to get a sense of how it feels to work together. I offer a complimentary 15-minute online introduction if that’s helpful, although it’s not a therapy session. Many couples prefer to begin with a full session and then decide whether to continue.
Making Contact
When reaching out, you can use my contact form, email, phone, or messaging apps such as WhatsApp or iMessage. As only one partner usually makes the initial enquiry, I keep early communication brief and neutral. This helps maintain balance between you both and allows the important details to be explored together during sessions rather than in advance.
If my availability doesn’t align with your needs, I will always aim to recommend a trusted colleague who may be better placed to help.
What Happens After the First Session
During the initial consultation, I’ll share my impressions of what may be happening between you and suggest possible ways forward. Just as importantly, you’ll have the chance to notice how the process feels for each of you. Couples therapy can bring up strong emotions, particularly at the beginning, but my aim is to create a space where both partners feel supported and heard. The work belongs to you, and I encourage couples to shape sessions around what feels most important to them.
If you decide to continue, we’ll regularly review how things are progressing. I don’t usually set a fixed number of sessions, as it’s impossible to predict early on how quickly change may occur.
If you’ve read this far, you’ve already taken a meaningful step. Even when things feel deeply stuck, relationships can change. With the right support, hope remains — and a more satisfying future together is possible.