As many of us venture off to sunnier destinations, the anticipation of rekindling our relationships often grows. For couples in high-pressure, demanding jobs, holidays offer an often overdue opportunity to focus on each other and their children. However, bridging the gap that has developed over time isn’t always as straightforward as one might hope. The routines and habits formed during periods of disconnection can be hard to break. Work-related stress and the lure of social media can further hinder meaningful connections.
Take, for example, a couple I once worked with, whom I’ll call Jake and Claire. Over the years, their relationship had grown distant after having children. Jake’s job required frequent travel, leaving Claire, who worked part-time, to manage their household and kids. While she often missed Jake, Claire also enjoyed the autonomy his absence afforded her.
Each year, Claire planned an extended summer holiday, hoping Jake would join them for at least two weeks. Unfortunately, work commitments often curtailed his stay to just a week. His late arrival bred resentment in Claire, who felt he prioritised work over family. Jake, in turn, felt neglected, as Claire seemed as engrossed in social media on holiday as she was at home. The unspoken pressure of “holiday sex” added further strain, with both feeling they should be more intimate than the once-a-month routine at home.
Through our sessions, we uncovered that their emotional distance stemmed from childhood experiences of absent parents. Both had become self-sufficient to cope with disappointment, leading them to avoid relying on others.
While addressing such deep-rooted issues takes time, there are steps couples like Jake and Claire can take to improve their connection during holidays:
1. Unplug from Social Media: Temporarily deleting social media apps can reduce distractions, helping you to focus on your partner and family. The digital world can wait; real-life interactions are what truly matter.
2. Prioritize Couple Time: Children can dominate family vacations, but it’s crucial to carve out alone time. Utilize kids’ clubs or babysitting services to ensure you and your partner have at least one date night during the holiday.
3. Reduce Pressure Around Intimacy: Rather than viewing holiday sex as a checklist item, focus on touch and kindness. Simple acts, like applying sunscreen to each other, can foster a sense of closeness and intimacy.
4. Engage in Future Conversations: Use the holiday as an opportunity to discuss your dreams and aspirations. Frame these talks as hopes and wishes, which might open up new, exciting possibilities without the pressure of immediate, practical implementation.
5. Seek Relationship Counselling if Needed: If you return from vacation feeling let down, consider couples therapy. Holidays often highlight underlying issues, making it an ideal time to start working on your relationship with a professional.
In summary, while holidays can be a chance to reconnect, they also reveal the deeper dynamics of your relationship. Taking proactive steps can help bridge the gap and strengthen your bond.