If your summer holiday didn’t live up to expectations for rekindling romance, connection, or intimacy, you’re not alone. Many couples find themselves seeking relationship counselling after a disappointing vacation. It’s common for people to have high hopes that a holiday will serve as a reset for their relationship, but when those hopes aren’t met, it can be disheartening. Rather than viewing this as a failure, consider it an opportunity for growth.
Many couples delay starting therapy, hoping that their issues will resolve on their own or because their busy lives act as a barrier. However, committing to couples therapy is a significant first step, signalling a renewed dedication to each other. Making time for therapy often means adjusting work, social, or family commitments. While online sessions are an option, many find that an in-person setting with a therapist offers a more neutral and effective environment.
Before beginning therapy, it’s important to think about when both partners can attend regularly. Sessions are usually weekly, and experience shows that this is the best way of meeting your aims and to create lasting change. While it can be beneficial to talk about the issues you want to address beforehand, it’s also okay to leave these discussions for the first session with the therapist if you find them challenging.
Typically, one partner may be more motivated to start therapy and might be the one to highlight the issues, while the other might feel that things aren’t too problematic. It’s the therapist’s role to create a space where both partners can express their views and concerns. Initially, blame may surface, with partners pointing fingers at each other. This is a natural part of the process, and it’s important to address these feelings. For meaningful change to occur, both partners need to recognise their roles in the issues and take responsibility for the changes they wish to see.
Couples therapy can be demanding at times. The safe environment provided by the therapist allows for open discussions, including difficult topics that may have been previously avoided. These conversations can evoke strong emotions, especially in the beginning, but over time, they typically lead to more constructive dialogue. This helps couples work together to improve their relationship and the overall well-being of their family.
To get started in couples therapy, you can contact me, telling me a little about what you’d like to work on. It’s helpful for me to have the contact details of both partners from the start, and also which days and times you are able to attend. After an initial consultation session, we would aim to meet weekly at the same time. I can however offer some flexibility week-to-week for sessions you are unable attend.
The consultation session is for you and your partner to talk about how each of you see your situation and what you would like to be different in your relationship. It’s a chance for you to get a feel for how it would be to work with me, I will make some initial observations, and I can answer any questions you may have. During or shortly after the session, you can decide whether you would like to continue with weekly sessions. You are free to end at any time – I ask for two weeks’ notice to round things off.