As the holiday season approaches and families head off to sunny getaways, many couples see this time as a chance to reconnect. For those caught in the whirlwind of demanding careers and parenting responsibilities, vacations provide a much-needed pause – a window to focus on each other without the usual distractions. Yet, rekindling closeness isn’t always as simple as packing your bags and boarding a plane. Emotional distance that’s built up over time doesn’t automatically vanish just because the scenery changes.
Busy lifestyles, work stress, and digital distractions often play a significant role in creating space between partners. Habits developed during months or even years of disconnect don’t disappear overnight. In fact, for some couples, holidays can magnify existing issues rather than ease them.
Consider the story of a couple I worked with – let’s call them Alex and Emma. After years of raising children and managing hectic work lives, their relationship had grown emotionally flat. Alex traveled frequently for work, while Emma, working part-time, ran the household and took care of their children. Though she missed his presence, she also came to value the independence his absence brought.
Each summer, Emma organized a family holiday, hoping Alex would take time off to join them. But more often than not, he said his job demands would mean he could only manage a week away. Over the years, delayed arrivals left Emma feeling undervalued and unimportant. Meanwhile, Alex felt emotionally distant, especially as Emma spent much of her time scrolling through her phone – even while lounging on the beach. The added expectation of being sexually intimate while on holiday only intensified their unspoken frustration, especially given that their home life was marked by infrequent physical connection.
Digging deeper during our sessions, we discovered that both Alex and Emma had grown up with emotionally unavailable parents. As a result, they’d learned to rely on themselves and hide their vulnerability around needing each other and being needed – patterns that continued to play out in their adult relationship.
While healing old emotional wounds takes time, couples like Alex and Emma can take meaningful steps to reconnect during holidays:
- Take a Digital Detox
Removing or muting social media apps during your trip can make a huge difference. It allows you to be present, share real moments, and truly engage with your partner and family—without the distraction of notifications. - Make Time for Each Other
Holidays often revolve around children, but it’s essential to set aside moments just for the two of you. Whether it’s a quiet dinner or a morning walk, alone time helps reinforce your bond. Don’t hesitate to use childcare services to make this happen. - Let Go of Expectations Around Sex
Rather than feeling pressure to be intimate because “you’re on holiday,” shift the focus to affection and connection. Gentle touch, shared laughter, and small gestures of care can reignite emotional closeness and naturally lead to physical intimacy. - Talk About the Future
Away from the pressures of daily life, holidays offer a great chance to dream together. Instead of planning logistics, talk about hopes, goals, and what you would like for your life ahead. These conversations can build emotional intimacy. - Consider Therapy if Needed
If your holiday ends with lingering feelings of disappointment, it might be time to seek professional guidance. A therapist can help you both explore deeper issues and start building a stronger relationship.
Ultimately, while vacations present a valuable opportunity to reconnect, they can also shine a light on challenges that need attention. With awareness and intention, couples can use this time not just to relax, but to rebuild the connection that often gets lost in the chaos of everyday life.